health

Day 4 – Sleep Score 99

I tried to be consistent and write a post yesterday, but just went to bed instead. It was a long day of living and had no desire to do anything but be in the moment.

I am having no regrets about giving up social media, but for the past few days, I have had the most vivid dreams. I am wondering if my subconscious is taunting me with the need to share in my dreams.  Bob Kraft died and Matt Damon and Ben Affleck asked me to join them for their next project.  I just had to be in the moment and take no photos. 

Back to the real flex…last night was over 8 hours of sleep and according to Professor Apple Watch I scored 99. The only thing not perfect was interruptions with a score 19/20. I am working on my desire to not impress my watch but not today.

Yesterday, my body was so quiet and I took advantage of a bluebird day with this broken body. I hiked Mt Crawford at the peak of foliage for the best day of color we have seen in years. 

I looked strong and I am seeing my muscles pop from my boring training plan.  On the way down when things were working I was grateful for my shift in workouts over the past two weeks. My feet did some amazing things and my weak left leg did the job. No need for poles doing some steep challenging terrain. The trees were quiet on this path but silently stunning.

I am noticing that the scale keeps moving up(I fought the desire to write “in the wrong direction”) and I am learning not to care about weighing 157 pounds this morning. I need to fuel this body for this life and not be worried about being skinny. I am trying to remember that bones and muscle show up on the scale.

I ate a lot of carbs yesterday and it’s working…so here is to carbs and more weight on the scale. Lets see where this journey takes me.

Day 2- Let the Adventure Begin

I am on Day Two without any social media and continue to delete every app on my phone that buzzes me. My wrist has become so quiet which might be one of the reasons I slept so well last night.  

Surprisingly, I think Reddit was the biggest offender. 

I reread my blog post yesterday and found some grammatical errors. I am curious if my writing will improve when I get more disconnected from the media.  I am seeing the beauty in my mistakes, because in this climate of auto correct and too many filters, I might have forgotten who I am. 

I woke up and confirmed with my watch that my sleep score was exceptional.  I scored a 96 according to Professor Apple Watch. I only lagged in duration with a 47/50 and interruption was a solid 19/20. My bedtime was a perfect 20/20.

I am not willing to become 100% technology free, but I am excited to see where I land on this journey. Maybe I will graduate from Apple Watch Health App  and start an Independent Study Course for this unpredictable body. But for now, I am celebrating a decent night of sleep which I did not expect at 53. Sleep has always been my biggest obstacle.

I have noticed more time in my schedule, and it has gone into cleaning my house.

So here is to another new day of choosing messy over perfection. It has translated into a more relaxed wardrobe and, so far, a little more clarity. Similar to my house, it is not perfect, but fewer dirty dishes lingered in the sink today and the bed is made.

I ran today with a lot of pain, but was not as annoyed with my broken body. I think the pain is getting a little better as I argue with my joints and brain.  It is clear my body needs a shift.  My ankle and feet have been killing me as I argue with my MS. My body wants to move one way but my body needs to move a different way if I want to keep running and hiking. The constant tug of war has led to some loud arguments.

Then I swam in the lake for maybe the last time of the season and loved it after I got over how cold it was. It helps to remind me that people pay money for ice baths, and I can have a similar experience for free,

It is nice to not be worried about photos for social media and wondering what people might think or who I might offend.  I am focused on my inner circle and being more thoughtful about those people. 

The people who I really care about and want to see every one of their photos. The people who know the good, bad and ugly about me and keep showing up. I also know the same about them. 

Today, I officially signed up for the Paris Marathon. It might have been good for social media, but I don’t care. I just want to see Paris on my feet and this broken body. I am not sure if it is my future, but I have a date with Paris in April next year. I made a $215 financial commitment to do my best to be there.  

Ever since my first diagnosis, planning for a pain free mobile future has terrified me. I am learning to face my fears and see where life takes me. It wont hurt me to train for the future even if it still terrifies me. It started by walking on a new Adventure Trail tonight and I loved every second as I mentally prepared for training while listening to the trees. I swear there are sections where they are so loud. 

Don’t like, share or comment

It’s time to make a change.

The final straw might have been the doctor with a perfect 4-pack explaining how to use a Bosu. She is not a doctor in exercise science or anything related. She is doctor jumping on the longevity/hormone craze with tons of videos in the gym or with big hats walking by a beach. Her medical background was in media, so that is at least more aligned with self-promotion.

Or, the other doctor walking fast with a military vest filled with water screaming about aging as female. Again, she is not a trainer or someone with an exercise background, but one of the new aging/hormone experts with a speciality on scaring the shit of women.

Or, watching Serena Williams, my kids idol, promote GLP1’s during the US Open. The US Open was one of our favorite memories as a family, when it was affordable to go.  We won’t even discuss who profits off that advertisement. 

Or, maybe the millionaire investor showing people how not to die while he planks on top of his girlfriend to manage his stress after being diagnosed with a chronic disease, that he plans on curing. And, ChatGPT argued with me that it was possible for him to cure chronic disease.  

I can not take another person going after my time and money for something that is not making me or anyone around me any better. 

I tap out for now. I deleted social media from my phone, and whenever my watch buzzes with a new alert I will deactivate whatever account has tapped into my life. Goodbye Reddit!!

I had already broken up with ChatGpt a few weeks ago after a long argument about some guy with no science degree and his quest to cure his chronic disease. Yes, we were not aligned and our relationship is beyond repair. Maybe after some revaluations we can meet again on better terms, but that was a deal breaker for me. You touched a place sacred to me. Dangerous statements about curing chronic disease was the hill I am willing to die on in our relationship. 

In all my life curing a chronic disease was not possible, but now if you fill your house with ring lights and expensive equipment and charge people 1 million dollars a year for the full service or $333 for the discounted protocol you can make these statements.  

It’s hard enough to be healthy in 2026, trying to run a business managing diseases that I am reminded takes people out of living on the regular.

If I have a choice, living will not involve this time suck right now.  My time is too precious. Just so you know I have been on borrowed time for years. What the heck was I wasting time reading stuff that upset me on a regular basis? My mind would have benefited more from watching my bird feeder for 3 hours a day.

I will edit this blog by proofreading it and don’t feel the need to like, share or comment.  I am going to see what happens to my brain when I spend more time outside, running, walking, reading and doing nothing. 

I am sharing the final photo I shared on my story. On my walk last night I noticed this tree in the woods.  Hopefully it was a good sign for this decision today.

Just some information about my grammar. I am dyslexic and will not be using any editing tools to filter my thoughts. Feel free to find the mistakes in my writing. I am a work in progress and eager to see what unfolds. This is a raw unfiltered version of me.

They Said It Was Just Menopause — I Said Watch Me

The first time I got real hate on social media, I wasn’t even trying to make a big statement.
I had simply posted about my journey — what I had learned after 25 years in the wellness industry, after finally figuring out how to truly listen to my body instead of fighting it.

But then the comment came:
“Even skinny people get belly fat. It’s called menopause.”

At first, I didn’t even know what to say.
Because what they thought they were seeing — and what I was actually sharing — were two completely different things.

I wasn’t posting about being skinny.
I wasn’t pretending menopause doesn’t change your body.
I wasn’t showing off or flexing some transformation.

I was sharing something much deeper:
That after decades of doing “everything right” — lifting weights, running, eating clean — my body was still changing, and the answers I kept getting from doctors, trainers, and even other women were the same:

“That’s just menopause.”
“That’s just aging.”
“You have to accept it.”

But something inside me refused to believe that the only answer was giving up.

I didn’t set out to be skinny.
I set out to understand what was actually happening in my body.

When I got that comment, I read it out loud to my daughter.
Without missing a beat, she smirked and said,
“Well, Mom, I guess you’re officially a skinny bitch now.”

We both laughed.
Because if you know me, you know how far from that stereotype I am.

I’m not surviving on three almonds and a side of rage.
I’m not obsessed with scales or chasing a younger version of myself.

If I haven’t eaten four full meals by two o’clock, believe me — everyone knows it.

Real meals. Real food. Real energy.
Omelets packed with vegetables.
Thick sourdough with peanut butter.
Oatmeal drowned in whole milk, bananas, and berries.
Turkey burgers the size of my head.
Cottage cheese and apples when I need to stay steady between meals.

I’m not hungry.
I’m not angry.
I’m not surviving.

I’m living. Fueled. Full.
And finally free.

This didn’t happen overnight.
It wasn’t luck.
It wasn’t some magic diet or a miracle supplement.

It was years of paying attention.
It was deciding that I didn’t have to accept fatigue, pain, and swelling as inevitable.
It was rebuilding my habits from the inside out — slowly, imperfectly, consistently.

And yes — sometimes depending on the lighting, the angle, the split-second a photo is taken — I still see my old insecurities.
The back fat. The soft spots. The reminders of a body that lived through real life.

But now? I also see someone stronger than I ever imagined.
Someone who didn’t give up when the world said it was too late.

This journey was never about “beating” menopause.
It was about understanding it.

It was about giving my body what it needed to thrive in this new season — not punishing it for changing.

I didn’t lose belly fat because I hated my body.
I lost it because I finally respected it.

So for anyone who still thinks this was about vanity, or trying to pretend aging doesn’t happen:
You missed it.

This is about living fully.
Fueling properly.
Moving with purpose.
Resting when needed.
Respecting the chapter I’m in — and loving it enough to stay in the fight.

If that makes me a skinny bitch at 52, so be it.
I earned every inch of this life.
And we’re just getting started.

Post Conclusion for Sharing:

*Not everything you see on social media tells the full story.

This wasn’t about getting skinny.

This was about getting free.*